Sometimes we forget that everything that happens, will eventually come to an end. No matter how big or small the event or situation is, once it is done it’s done. Sometimes it takes longer because we need time to think, to accept what is. Sometimes it’s there and gone before we even know it.
A broken heart may need some time before it is healed. Or happiness may come in a single day and leave us in our sleep. Of all the so called bad things that go on in our lives, and of all the so-called good things that go on in our lives, it’s important to remember that they won’t last forever.
Even the memories we hold so close to ourselves are only mirror reflections on the backs of our eyes. We will never be able to capture a moment again, once it is gone. No matter how many times we replay it in our heads, it is over, and done with. We have to let those memories go. Look back on them with happiness, not a longing for something that will never be. And we have to let go of all the bad memories we keep locked in our heads. They are over. We can’t go back and change them. We can only move forward. We can only learn from them and apply them to our lives now. No good will come from reliving those bad memories. They can only poison our thoughts and energy.
Forgive the past. Forgive yourself. Nothing can change what happened, no matter how much you wish you could. Those things can’t hurt you anymore unless you let them. It’s your choice.
You need to enjoy now. Be grateful for what you have, as cliched as that sounds. Only love lasts forever; everything else will leave in time. Enjoy the good moments that happen to you as they happen to you, and then let them go. Accept the bad moments in your life, and then let them go.
Once they are over, they can never come back.
Right now I am at a place where the voice in my head has started using a megaphone again. Everything I see and hear, has to go through it first, and fill my head with judgements. Sometimes it is hard to think over the voice, and sometimes I forget it’s even there.
It turns out that I’m not starting my job when I thought I would. It’s out of my control, yet I’m still upset that I can’t start making some money. For the past few days I’ve felt down because of it. Also, I’ve been thinking about the whole college debate again. The one in my head that goes something like: “I want to go to college to make friends and learn.” “But, hello, college is expensive. Also, what’s the point of a degree?” “And anyway, how am I going to get there because I can’t drive?” It’s a cycle that can play out for quite some time, until I’m all confused about life again and feeling upset because I haven’t figured anything out, and because I suck at driving, and because I feel like a hermit.
And what follows are bad things happening. Carrying around that bad energy, has had me on edge, and is leaving behind a trail of grey feelings. The peace inside me is replaced by a constant feeling of unease- such as in yesterday’s poem. However, I know it at least, how I am feeling and why, and that is the first step in overcoming it.
Today that feeling is gone. For the most part. If the voice starts up again I have to shut it up, and focus on doing what I’m doing. I know I still need to figure everything out, but right now I can’t decide my future. Right now, all I have is right now. I’m using my creativity to make bracelets that I can hopefully sell, and planning shoe altering projects, and writing poetry and such.
And once this whole work situation thing is over, then I will be able to start my job and making money and saving for things. I just need to wait and use my time to be productive instead of wasting it by over-thinking. Patience and acceptance are key.
I feel good today, and I plan on keeping it that way. It’s my choice, after all.